A Word Please

So let me look at this as it should be looked at: like a fun exercise. The point, I think, is to see what I would want to do for six months away from everything in my ‘real’ world, barring family melancholy and inclement weather and also presumably polar bear attacks (Hey, there were polar bears on the island in “Lost” so you can never be too careful). Since the question did state that I’d be ‘living’ on the island, I’ll assume I would have with me what I’d need to survive: cooking implements, the means to make fire and perhaps hunt and fish, oh and a way to keep warm and dry.

That leaves only the three items around which the question is designed. What to do, what to do.

I’d say that I’d bring books, but of course, I couldn’t bring enough to get me through six whole months. If each book counts as one item, I’m sunk at only three books and I probably have no burning desire to read War and Peace. “Really?” You ask. Yes. Really. So I won’t say books. I could say an eReader loaded with books, but then, that would probably be cheating since we presumed earlier that there would be no electricity. And without cheating enabled, if I brought an eReader, the screen would go dark long before I could finish two or three good ones. No recharging station means poor J. would have wasted one of his three item slots. Since I’m an efficient sort, I wouldn’t feel good about a 33% level of spoilage.

The problem here is that six months isn’t really that much time. I know, I know. Some of you are now thinking, “Well then, let me just perform a couple armed robberies wearing my Jason McIntyre mask and he can do the time for me.” Time is an interesting, subjective thing and the idea of ‘spending’ it is part of that. A day at a job you don’t much care for is much longer in passing than a fun day at the beach with a beautiful person in a nice bit of swimwear, isn’t it? What I mean when I say six months isn’t really that much time, I think back to my life as it was six months ago. Most of you could probably do the same and see that your life probably hasn’t changed all that much and you spend your days now in a similar fashion as you did in June or July of last year. Habit is part of why time seems to zoom by. Unless of course you were an average fellow in June and by now you’ve donned your McIntyre Mask ™ and decided to head on into a convenience store to grab yourself some cash — while pointing a gun. Life would be very different for you by now, that’s for certain.

So. Again. This is me digressing from the question. This is hard. I’ll try to picture it. Me: under the hot sun, sitting on the white sand with my nearly-as-white calves, my shaved head and my utter and complete boredom because some jackass back home pretended to be me while he took the 7/11 for all the cash in the register. My punishment? Seclusion on this damned deserted island for six long months.

I’ve got it! Sunscreen, a hat, and as much paper and pens as would be allowed.

After all, I’d have to write letters to my lawyer and the parole board, pleading my case. Then my psyche would be so damaged that I’d have to start my memoirs about being entangled in such a hideous injustice. To that fella who robbed the 7/11: Don’t worry. I’ll find ya.